In this week's episode of the Creative Introvert Podcast, we tackle what makes for a cracking conversation - and how introverts can, er, crack it.
First of all let’s clarify this myth about introverts being social recluses who hate people.
Hopefully you know that that is bullshit - unless that is the case for you, well, just know it’s not true for all introverts.
I LOVE a good chat with someone. Not even close friends - I’ve been known to enjoy talking to strangers sometimes just as much.
BUT.
There are a few conditions that make for a stellar introvert conversation - and a few conditions that make for a dire one.
The kind where you want the ground to part and to be sucked in to a black abyss - just to relieve you of the awfulness.
Anyway - the point of this podcast is to acknowledge the conditions that generally make for a great conversation if you are an introvert OR if you’re an extrovert talking to an introvert - some things to consider.
Not every conversation will be wonderful - whether it’s at work, at family gatherings, parties - if you’re unlucky enough to find yourself at one - and general day-to-day activities.
BUT I’m convinced that with these tips I’m about to outline, you’ll be able to steer a conversation into a much more introvert-friendly direction, use your natural introvert strengths to make it even better - and get the fuck out of it if it is really that bad.
What I cover:
Links mentioned:
Laurie Helgoe - Introvert Power
Erich Fromm's Art of Listening
Alain de Botton - The Course of Love
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I interview Youngman Brown of Your Creative Push.
I’ll admit it. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been going through a real slump in motivation. May be it’s the change of season - there’s something about being by the sea - even in England - that when the sun comes out, it becomes intensely hard to think of anything other than grabbing a beer and taking the afternoon off.
Just me? Hope not.
This is why I’m so grateful for people like today’s guest whose podcast Your Creative Push is there for me to give me a much needed dose of motivation and inspiration.
Really - the conversations and topics that Youngman Brown covers on his podcast have been a real source of creative fuel for me. It’s so comforting to know that - as much as I love being alone - I’m not alone in this creative journey.
If you’ve ever felt that slump in your creative drive or just need a kick up the bum to get that project finished - or started - then I think you’ll get a LOT out of today’s guest interview.
We like to be alone, us introverts.
When we can close the door on the chaos around us, the small talk and the pointlesssocial events…. We can simply be alone with our thoughts, and may be our pets.
That time alone is vital for us to recharge. It’s like an athlete who needs to recover after running a race or whatever athletes do.
But to feel lonely?
That is not what we were going for.
There seems to be a tipping point. A point at which alone time can turn into social isolation which can - feel more like loneliness than comforting rest and recouperation.
Yes - as much as we love our alone time - even introverts need people.
The balancing act - between getting that recharge time alone and not feelingin lonely is a tricky one - and one I’ve had my own share of struggles with.
In this podcast I’m going to share a bit about my personal story with battling loneliness as well as some of the solutions we might reach to (that do us more harm than good) and the ones that actually do work and that you can do today or whenever you’re feeling that fog of loneliness appear.
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I interview Jenny Mustill of Ruby Ruth Dolls.
Todays guest is the first I’ve actually met in real life before asking to come on the show. I basically pounced on Jenny when I found out she makes and sells real tangible products!
This is something that I’ve dabbled in myself, when I was more focussed on my pet portraiture business - purely as an excuse to draw animals and make some money on the side.
But I know how much work goes into producing anything physical - there’s no undo button, you can’t just go and restore a backup you made earlier.
Plus there’s the added challenge that makers and crafters face when selling their work at markets and craft shows and such - I did a bit of this but the introvert in me had a hard time with being around so many people all day long.
Anyway, I talk to Jenny, creator of Ruby Ruth dolls, which are completely handmade partly from recycled jumpers bought in charity shops in my neck of the woods, Brighton, England.
?In this week's edition of the Creative Introvert Podcast I'll be tackling the age old question...
How to say 'NO' without feeling like a terrible human!
I wish I could remember what it was like to be that awkward toddler who loved to say NO to just about anything. Even the stuff I wanted.
For a mixture of reasons, simply saying ‘NO’ - both to ourselves and to others - is something that gets a lot more difficult when we’re older.
It’s in our DNA to want to feel safe, to be loved and accepted. In order to get this, many of us learn that we need to prioritise someone elses needs and feelings, before our own. while this may work for a while; and we may feel there’s less conflict - our inner conflict is actually growing.
Saying no makes us feel guilty - we wouldn’t want to upset anyone - but on the flipside we feel resentful when we yes, because we’re being forced to do something against our will. Basically: we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
Now, I’m not saying we all need to start thinking only of ourselves and going around acting like narcisstic a-holes, but there is a tricky balance between being a good friend/partner/colleague etc and being a doormat.
Meg Kissack is a fellow Brit and blogger behind That Hummingbird Life and the host of The Couragemakers - a podcast that has had me nearly in tears while grocery shopping!
I adore Meg's approach on living life to it’s fullest, and in a totally bull-shit free that feels true to you. We talk about all sorts: from Megs disillusionment with her dream job to dealing with burnout to dealing with people in your life who don’t quite support or even understand what the heck you do.
Expectation Hangover - Christine Hassler
Intuitive types vs Sensing types
56 Things to do that aren't reading the news
Sapiens - Yuval Noah Harari
So I’ve asked member of the League of Creative Introverts as well as those following me on social media to submit questions to the me on the subject of being a creative introvert and any kind of struggles y’all are facing.
While I’m not a qualified creative introvert - I’m sure one day that could be a real thing - I hope that my advice is somewhat useful regardless of where you are on your creative journey.
Also you can send in questions for future Q+A-style episodes, to hello@thecreativeintrovert.com and I will hopefully be able to answer them for you here.
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I interview James Scully.
James Scully is a native Brooklynite, a total Renaissance man, and founder of the Wallbreakers.
More than a blog, the Wallbreakers is a mission to help us discover how to live a life doing the things we’re most passionate about.
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I share my three weapons I use against the big ol' FEAR monster.
Part of being an overanalysing, overthinking, creative introvert, for me means I love to get to the root of a problem.
Once we know what lies at the heart of it: we can start to work on whatever is stopping us from doing or having or being something we want.
So, I’ve gone on various quests since going freelance then starting my own business: to work out exactly why I struggled with certain aspects like going to networking events, talking about my work, contacting big shots and so on.
I’ve worked out a lot of the common ‘inner enemies’ as I like to call them, that have got in the way of doing the things I know I should do, and often know how to do.
It’s useful to know about these little f*ckers because that way you can take specific action to overcome them or work around them. There are various exercises I outline in this episode and accompanying ebook that do exactly that.
But what if you aren't sure exactly what's causing this resistance? You don't know why You can't bring yourself to get out the paints. You can't figure out why you keep putting off emailing that person. You're stumped as to why you can't hit publish.
That's when I dig deeper. I had to do this myself when I realised I can't just think my way past creative resistance.
That's when I realised there was a feeling -not a thought causing my resistance. I realised the underlying feeling causing all of these inner enemies to reveal themselves and cause havoc was... fear.
The gut-churning, frow-furrowing, palm-sweat inducing feeling that has been with us for - well, millennia.
Do I really expect to abolish feeling fear once and for all in just one podcast episode?
Well, no. Not my style.
But... I do feel like I've pegged three tools or 'weapons' that I've found to be incredibly effective for using whenever I'm feeling that ickyness in the pit of my stomach, and l'm not entirely sure why.
I go into detail on how exactly I use them to overcome fear and 'the resistance' in the episode.
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I interview J. Thorn - the the voice behind the Intronaut, a podcast for introverts that I absolutely love and can definitely recommend to fellow innies.
J is a Top 100 Most Popular Author on Amazon, and believes that reading dark fiction can be healing.
His overriding mission is to connect with you through my art, and hopes to inspire you to do the same. He is a word architect and a driven visionary.
Obsessed with heavy metal, horror films and technology, J admires strong people who are not afraid to speak their mind.
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I dig into how we can identify our personality type and use it to our advantage in our creative work.
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I interview Martin Stellar - the monk for entrepreneurs.
Martin Stellar is one of the few people, next to Seth Godin, whose emails I actually look forward to getting: they are always weirdly timely to whatever I’m going through in my creative business life.
He specialises in business coaching for artists, and on more than one occasion they've inspired me to take action or solve a problem that otherwise would have rotted away in the recesses of my mind.
So in our chat we talk about taking action on scary things, pushing our comfort zone, listening to our intuition, Martin’s daily walking ritual and I also agree to take on a challenge Martin sets me - tune in to find out what it is….
Website: Martinstellar.com
Twitter: @martinstellar
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I call out the 10 inner enemies to creativity.
Don't forget to download your FREE 60+ page ebook, where I outline the 10 inner enemies of creativity and show you the 10 exercises to overcome them: http://wp.me/p5bc9S-1VC
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I explain what the introvert's dilemma is - and how to deal with it.
Part of being a functioning human in society does require… other people.
That's the introvert dilemma I’m talking about.
People!
This podcast episode is all about how introverts do indeed need other people - not that we simply tolerate others, not that we do our best to live alongside our fellow sapiens: but that we actually NEED the company of others and the support, input and inspiration that we can ONLY get from other people.
*GOYA: Get Off Your Arse
I love talking about big things. Big dreams, big ideas, big plans.
But I’ve noticed that the majority of these conversations tend to peter out the same way.
With something to the effect of ‘Ahh but I just don’t have the time.'
Or ‘I’ve tried in the past but gave up because it took up too much time.'
And before I pull out the quote ‘Beyonce has the same number of hours in a day to you’ which is true but not helpful - I just want to preface this podcast with letting you know I was THE laziest kid in the world.
Really: I remember being asked in school how many hours of TV I watched a day - and my answer came out 2 hours above the majority of the class.
My mum had to stop taking me to ballet classes because I refused to give up my Saturday morning cartoons - specifically, I believe it clashed with Rocko’s Modern Life.
Anyway, getting sh*t done does NOT come easily to me: it’s something I’ve tried really hard over the years to master and I still struggle with it today.
Who doesn’t?
But because I’m so bloody lazy, I’ve managed to - over the years - devise crafty ways to make tackling the to-do list as easy as humanly possible.
Part of my success I believe, involves knowing as much as I can about my personality type; my preferences, my tendencies - and using that knowledge to shape how I tackle any task.
I really think this is key: and as I go through these 4 steps I’m about to lay out I’ll keep referring to ways you can use your own knowledge about yourself, whether it’s your introversion, extroversion, whether you’re an early bird or a nigh owl - all that stuff - to really tailor these strategies to you - and ultimately, get sh*t done.
In this episode of The Creative Introvert podcast I explain my brainwave idea for setting kinesthetic goals.
Before you jump to the conclusion that this is yet another attempt to drill in the overused acronym about setting SMART goals: I promise it’s not that.
*GOYA: Get Off Your Arse
It's a word that has been, for me, muddied with the likes of ‘confidence gurus’ and other extroverted characters I’ve never been able to relate to.
When speaking to my coach about this confidence conundrum, he reminded me of the origin of the word: 'confidence' comes from the Latin fidere, 'to trust.'
To be confident is to trust in yourself, your actions and your place in the world. Words like trust and faith happened to be very meaningful to me at that point: they were my anchors; my antidotes to the fears I was facing at every turn in building my business.
So I decided that instead of running away from the word, I’d reclaim it. Take it back to it’s origins, and dispel any myths and identity crises it’s had over the years since the self-help revolution captured it.
This episode of the Creative Introvert Podcast is for anyone who feels like they've tried ALL the things and still... nothing seems to be working.
You're not moving forward like you expected, you feel like you're spinning your wheels and you may even be ready to throw in the towel.
BUT WAIT!
Before you do - give this one a listen. It's less than 15 mins long, and I include my 5-step action plan (which you can also download at http://www.thecreativeintrovert.com/002
It only seems right that the first 'proper' episode of The Creative Introvert podcast covers the topic that started this whole Creative Introvert thing off.
*GOYA: Get Off Your Arse